Sunday, September 28, 2014

Porter Brough, one year old!

One year old!

Thing I want to remember about little Porter ---

- the amazing day that you were born.

- the days/weeks leading up to your birth - the 'any minute now' anticipation, the calming phrases running through my mind like whatever will be, will be, morning walks and the familiar neighborhood walkers - the sweet lady who said "you're just going to jog yourself right to the delivery room!"

- just a few months old, when you'd learned to roll and I was worried you'd roll off the bed so we moved you into a crib in the master-bathroom-turned-mini-nursery.  And how when I'd go in throughout the night to feed you or comfort you and that little bathroom felt like a holy place.

- a hard night with the sudden inspiration, 'just because it's hard, doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong.' and the comfort that brought me.

- (though not much later, that thought left and oh, I was sure I was doing it wrong! and each new sleep plan we tried was still wrong for so long… ) and oh, I wish I didn't have to remember the heart breaking feeling of letting you cry so many nights, not knowing what else to do. And of just praying even for angels to watch over you, for you to know you were loved, and somehow to be comforted.

- how Landon just brightens to be with you and play with you.

- Owen's happiness when we help you wrestle him.

- your first actions - clapping your hands for 'hooray!' and how as you were learning a few new signs, you'd suddenly want to tell us something and just start moving your hands whatever way you could think of, not sure exactly what you were supposed to do, but sure that you wanted to tell us something.

- Ellie walking with you around the house with your homemade pvc walker, helping you get back on your way again each time you ran into an obstacle

- my habit of drinking instead of eating my cream-of-wheat breakfast while carrying you in the wrap or pack to avoid spoonful spills over you at breakfast time. how almost always, in the pack you are happy.

- your funny mischief seeking - watching us as you go towards the stairs, then crawling just as quick as can be till we catch you up then laughing or smiling so proudly.

- how every once in  a while with just the right set up (like being in Ellie and Landon's room without supervision, or emptying mom's sunday bag in Elder's quorum with Dad) you are just so happy to play by yourself and explore all the new things you can find.

- how I felt so clearly, through your first year and with such a trial of sleeplessness, that Heavenly Father was aware of me and of our family and was helping me to do more and be more than I could possibly have done on my own.
- your 'foo, foo, foo' and signs for food :)

- your smiles! giggles and laughter and babbles.

- how you love your mama!