Monday, August 8, 2016

On first/last babies

Me and new baby Landon
Jordan snapped a picture of Isaac and me just after Isaac was born, and gave me a quick preview before sending it on to let family know our little one had arrived. And the first thing I noticed was that I'm getting older!  Maybe the wrinkles around my eyes were exaggerated with a bit of exhaustion, but even so, I'm not that same 22-year-old anymore and I don't look quite the same either.

And that is as it should be. I love this picture with Landon - it is taped up on my dresser across from my bed so I see it every day. And I can remember that wonderful feeling captured of "oh! I get to be a mother to this little one!"

And I loved that newest picture with Isaac because I'm feeling now that feeling of "oh, how lucky I am to have been a mother for the last ten years and to get to be the mother to this one more little one."

Knowing that Isaac is likely our last baby,  pregnancy, birth, and these newborn days have been different. The biggest thing has been that the hard things aren't as hard. There is no longer the question of "can I do this again?" So when things are hard, it's not "Is this too hard to go through again?" It just is what it is and things are just as hard as they are. And then they pass. 

Also the sweet moments are of course even sweeter because this is it. I'm cuddling and holding this little Isaac just as much as I can and loving these tender days.