Ten years!

Sometimes when we talk to the kids about 'when they were little', I'll tell them about when Landon was a baby and toddler, and Dad used to leave in the morning for work and we'd sing a song and wave to him out the window as he'd leave, and then it would just be me and Landon at home all through the day. And this little story feels so funny and different to all of them, because they've all grown up with Jordan just working in his office here at home. (It was only a few years ago when we were talking about rush-hour traffic one day with Ellie and she was a little confused because she didn't understand that people usually left their homes to go to work each day!)

I have this very clear memory of being at April's house(just over 10 years ago!), playing with Landon in her living room while Jordan sat at the dining table working on a take-home assignment from a job interview he'd just done.  And I was telling him something like, 'There is no way we're going to move to New York City, so why worry about finishing the project?" But he did finish it, and then they decided to try out letting him work from home (though they flew our whole family out to NYC with hopes of convincing us to move I think!) and then it was working great and kept on working great and here we still are!

(He stayed with Animoto for 6 years, then Bonobos in NYC,  LostMyName/Wonderbly in London, and now we're back to NYC with TeachersPayTeachers)

We both have felt so very grateful for the work he's been able to do for these really great places. And it has been so fun to have this little New York City part of our lives too for all these years now (plus a couple years of London in the middle!) I love that our kids have grown up with the little bit of New York mixed in with their Logan memories.  And it has been such a great thing for our family to have Jordan home with us all these days for all these years too!

Some fun NYC snapshots over the years  --

September 2008 -- Jordan & Landon at the Central Park Zoo

October 2009 -- Landon and Ellie playing at our NYC rental apartment

July 2010 -- Jordan, Landon & Ellie at Top of the Rock Observation deck

December 2010: Jordan, April & Nathan in Times Square

December 2012: A google hangout screenshot with Jordan at the Washington Square hotel. Whenever he'd travel on his own, he'd stay here. And whenever we'd talk, those famous actresses/actors would be his background :) He's had lots of solo trips like these over the years!

December 2011: Me, Landon, Ellie & Owen on a Sunday walk with Jordan in Central Park (+ testing out these wrist straps I had made to use in subway stations or crazy busy spots -- It looks pretty silly to me now, but I know I was pretty scared about keeping these kiddos safe when I was on my own!)

December 2013: April, Jordan, Landon Ellie, Owen & Porter (in the pack, warm inside Jordan's coat!) watching the Christmas light show at Saks 5th Avenue by Rockefeller Square

April 2015: Jordan, Landon, Ellie, Owen & Isaac at church/Manhattan temple

"Ten Things Saving My Life Right Now"

I always think it's fun to read/listen to other's lists like these, so I thought I'd make my own - though most of these things aren't necessarily life-saving, just happy things I'm grateful for. 

1. Morning Walks -

This summer my morning walks have stretched out most days beyond my every-day one mile loop with an extra loop around one more block, or two, or three. It has been so great to have this little time and space each day, and I have felt so grateful to be feeling strong and well and able to do this!

2. My pink zebra hat & sunglasses

Every morning as I head out the door for a walk, I grab my phone & earbuds and my hat and sunglasses. A couple of summers ago when I realized I really needed to do better at protecting my skin, I started wearing sunscreen every day and bought a hat too. I liked it so much that when (I thought) I lost it the next summer, I ordered another. Then when I happily found the original I was just so glad to have a back up! 

Similar story -- 

I bought a pair of sunglasses years ago (a random purchase from Costco when we first moved to Logan and still drove down to Ogden for Costco/Target/Kid-to-kid errands). I liked them so much that when I lost them at the Provo Freedom Fair a couple of years ago, I searched and searched until I found another pair online (at this point they were 6-7 years old!) Last year, those broke and I tried several others that weren't quite right and this summer I was able find another pair of these online (10 years old now!) so I am back to my favorite sunglasses again! 

3. Cut-off shorts

Ha! Similar story -- 

I had a favorite pair of jeans that I bought at a used thrift shop in Provo back in college (almost 2 decades ago!) I liked them so much (there's a theme here! :) that I went back to that same shop and found another pair. Years later  one pair had been cut off into shorts and the others were so worn they had to be retired.  But, I searched online and found another pair of the same pants! (15 years after I bought them used!) This summer I needed a new pair of shorts, and I searched online and found the same pants to make into shorts (again -- almost 20 years later now! This just feels like such a happy wonder to me!) and now I have some perfect fitting shorts again. (I've found that if my shorts/jeans don't fit well at the waist - too loose or too snug - it makes me feel just kind of grumpy all day, so good fitting pants/shorts really are close to to that 'save my life' description!)

4. Every day lunch -- 

Pretty much every day this summer I've had the same yummy lunch (crispy quesadillas + guacamole, veggies & fruit) And I have loved not having to think about what to eat every afternoon!

5. Popsicles & chocolate covered cinnamon bears

My favorite treats of this summer! (Plus a new favorite popsicle this summer - Outshine coconut - yum!)

6. Bike rides with Ellie 

At least once a day, and often more Ellie asks me to go on a bike ride, and I have loved these bike rides so, so much! We ride to the rooster (a funny metal statue in a front yard in our neighborhood) or for a loop around the school (that we've gotten to watch change day-by-day as they've been building/finishing.) Jordan has started coming along on these rides also, and that's been fun too! 

7. Our garden

We've had a nice garden almost since we moved here with garden boxes and kid assignments to take care of each one. Jordan had the idea to also plant a really big garden in our park strip this year where there used to just be rocks (& weeds). He (and all of us too!) worked really hard getting it all ready (and I think I was just kind of going along with his funny plan.) But then I started planting seeds and taking care of them and seeing them grow and pretty soon this was just such a happy part of my day to go out and work in the great, lovely garden we'd grown! It has been so fun - since it's out front I've gotten to see so many neighbors who stop to visit or say hello as they're walking by.  Working out there has just been a delightful way to start my summer days. 

8. School planning

The choice to have the kids do school at home this year was really hard and overwhelming. But once the choice was made, it has actually been really fun to work on all the planning and prepping. And so far, (about 1 week in) everything has been going really well with our school time too!

9. Prodigy for Isaac

In the Spring, one of the hardest parts of our school time (when school was canceled) was helping Isaac find good things to do while I was trying to help all the kids with their things as well. We found our groove (including an assigned 15 minutes "play with Isaac" for each of the kids as part of school time) but it took some work. So far in our first week, prodigy has been a great help for this too! :) There have been enough times that one of the kids is playing prodigy for a few minutes after finishing their math and Isaac will finish what he's working on and just watch them play until I finish with someone and can help him get started on the next thing. It's just a little thing but it's really been surprisingly helpful!

10. Wednesdays    

TPT has been very supportive throughout this COVID time. One amazing thing they have done is giving parents some extra PTO to help with child care. This has been a life saver for us. Each Wednesday (since April I think!) Jordan has worked an early half day (5- 9-ish) and then taken the kids on some kind of adventure while I've had some alone time. This has been so great. I love my family and my kiddos and I also get overwhelmed with so much happening so much of the time with everyone always home. So it has been great to have this quiet time. To get jobs done, tidy up, take care of little things, and even sometimes eat Rice Krispie treats for a morning snack or other silly things like that :) And these Wednesdays will probably be the most happy and memorable time of the summer for the kids too with hikes at Tony Grove and screen time/game time + hammocks at Old Main and other fun adventures too. 

Bonus things: 

+ Reading scriptures each night with Ellie, 

+ Waking up slowly each day with one or two of the kids always coming in to rest or talk or draw on the iPad for a few minutes beside me.

+ The right medicines that are helping me feel good so much of the time!

+ Pandora music (favorites this summer: Lori McKenna, Cat Stevens station, Hamilton, For what it's worth station, John Denver station, Finding Neverland station, 90's country station... lots more!)

on teaching (a few random thoughts)

This morning I was reading a news article about the current shortage in Special Education teachers (which seemed very much the same as I remember the situation being when I was teaching) and the pressure of all the paperwork, etc. The article wasn't anything thrilling, but the timing was perfect since I'd just dreamed about this last night --

I was teaching again and I went in to school one morning to find a small pile of student files: IEP's waiting to be done that I had overlooked. The familiar dread set in, And I thought in my dream something like "Maybe I can just tell the director that I will be a great teacher and show up every day and do my best to teach and help these students, but  she'll have to find someone else to handle the meetings and paperwork for me." (I have a feeling that maybe wouldn't have gone over so well in real life :)

I only taught for two years, and that was nearly ten years ago, so I think it's so funny that I'll still have dreams like these (full of such worry!) or the even more common scenario where my class is  filing in and taking their seats (or not) and I'm scrambling at the front of the room to pull together some kind of lesson at the (very!) last minute.

A few weeks ago, I had so much fun putting together some writing activities for some of the small groups in Ellie's class. And I remembered as I was doing it how I used to think that I might enjoy the lesson/activity preparations even more than the actual teaching. (Is that terrible?)  Once there was a whole group of students in the classroom in front of me, all of my best planned activities somehow didn't work out as perfectly as I'd imagined :)  And a few weeks in, I've found that my best little writing center ideas are fine, but definitely not working out in any perfect way!

I think all of that is why I love doing preschool time at home with my kids so much.  I get to be creative and think of simple little games and lessons, and they don't have to be fancy or perfect. I get to teach my favorite people in the world. And since I'm teaching just one child at a time, we can work at exactly what level they are on.  There is no paperwork, there are no meetings to schedule with other parents. No stress (I've never had preschool-time nightmares! ) If I forget to plan an activity or run out of time,  I can make something up in the few minutes before quiet time ends. And if my best planned activities don't seem to work, we can always switch to playing cars and try again tomorrow.

First few weeks

Just resting in the grass while Mom picks raspberries

At just about 3 weeks old now, here are a few things about Isaac so far.


So far...

To show he's a little upset, Isaac is as likely to furrow his brow as he is to really wail (except for diaper change time - then he lets me know he's not so happy). Once when Porter was holding Isaac for a few moments, he said "He's getting fussy!" I reassured Porter that Isaac was fine, since he was just resting quietly on Porter's lap. "He is getting fussy! Porter said, pointing to Isaac's furrowed brow, "See, look at his eyes!"

Isaac does love to be held and cuddled, and much of each day is spent in my arms. But it has been amazing to see as he's had more awake time how content he is to just relax on his own and watch what's happening around him. Having had other babies who were not so happy to just hang out  has made me so very grateful for this!

When Landon was a baby, I remember another mom bringing her baby to ward choir in his car seat, and he just sat there. For thirty minutes! Wide eyed and happy, he just looked around and rested on his own, perfectly content. And it was so strange/amazing to me that a baby could just sit and be happy without being held/talked to/sung to/rocked/walked that I still remember it ten years later! :)

And now, little Isaac is surprising me in that same way! Of course, he is sad sometimes. And cries when he's hungry or tired or sometimes for reasons I don't know. He is a newborn :) but so far, a very happy, calm and content newborn.

 The big kids love little Isaac so much. And I've been amazed to watch them hold him and care for him and not panic when he starts to fuss, but just try something different to help calm him.

Landon is our star Isaac holder and I've made breakfast hands free the last several mornings while Landon has soaked in some Isaac cuddling time. What  a blessing! And Owen and Ellie love to put a blanket down and lay down next to Isaac on the floor. Owen will rest beside him and just say over and over in his sweetest voice things like "your brother is right here, your brother loves you..." Porter asks to hold him, but is quickly ready to move the turn along to someone else after just a few seconds.

In our first few days home, Isaac quickly formed an 'eat/wake/sleep' routine which so far has been really great. And I've felt blessed to be able to tell most of the time which cries mean 'i'm hungry' and which mean 'i'm sleepy' or 'i'm having a hard time waking up' or 'something's wrong and i just need to be held and cuddled'. (Breastfeeding was especially hard the first while, so being able to judge which cries really meant 'i'm hungry'  was really wonderful because otherwise I would have ended up just nursing him constantly and probably couldn't have survived it!)

I've been so grateful for so much help and support from Jordan, and from the kids, and Kathie & Winslow and so many others so that I've been able to spend so much time just holding and loving little Isaac. What a blessing for these first few weeks!

two fun sandwiches

Early in the school year, we watched this video about pb&j in space. Since then, Porter chooses 'space sandwiches' about every other day. Something about it just makes me so happy each time he asks for these. 

Also, when Landon was a toddler, I started making these circle sandwiches (Isaac's above) by cookie-cuttering a peanut butter jelly sandwich with the peanut butter lid (Costco size, so not as much sandwich goes to waste). Still going strong ten years later, these were one of my great mom discoveries! 

I like lunch time with these two boys. I eat later, so usually I just sit and talk with them while we listen to some fun and happy kids music, and then we get ready to take Porter to kindergarten. I'm going to miss the mornings with these two boys next school year, but I'll just enjoy it for now!

On first/last babies

Me and new baby Landon

Jordan snapped a picture of Isaac and me just after Isaac was born, and gave me a quick preview before sending it on to let family know our little one had arrived. And the first thing I noticed was that I'm getting older!  Maybe the wrinkles around my eyes were exaggerated with a bit of exhaustion, but even so, I'm not that same 22-year-old anymore and I don't look quite the same either.

And that is as it should be. I love this picture with Landon - it is taped up on my dresser across from my bed so I see it every day. And I can remember that wonderful feeling captured of "oh! I get to be a mother to this little one!"

And I loved that newest picture with Isaac because I'm feeling now that feeling of "oh, how lucky I am to have been a mother for the last ten years and to get to be the mother to this one more little one."

Knowing that Isaac is likely our last baby,  pregnancy, birth, and these newborn days have been different. The biggest thing has been that the hard things aren't as hard. There is no longer the question of "can I do this again?" So when things are hard, it's not "Is this too hard to go through again?" It just is what it is and things are just as hard as they are. And then they pass. 

Also the sweet moments are of course even sweeter because this is it. I'm cuddling and holding this little Isaac just as much as I can and loving these tender days.